Books and Wands - Book 6 Rant

BOOK FROM HELL ALERT:
This site is officially on temporary lock down for
the rereading of the Half-Blood Prince!

The book is sitting there with it's foil
lettering, staring at us from under the bed where
we stashed it back in 2005, saying in it's
rasping, hateful demon voice...

"Ha, ha, ha. You deluded logic mongers! You were
foolish to open me once expecting to find sense
and story. But you were wrong. Yes, very wrong,
indeed. Characters you once loved have been
slaughtered. A tale that once resonated within
your very hearts has been warped by the fires of
hell and vanished for all time. Do you dare?

"Do you dare, dear misguided defenders of the
natural order, guardians of virtue and character
steadfastness, lord protectors of Hermione's
intelligence and grace, do you dare delve back
into my pages, survey my depths in search of your
answers? Have you the courage of true Gryffindors
to risk dismal depression and the solid proof of
your own ignorant delusions and author stupidity
to have another look? If only to see that your
copy was not the true story.....that the true
light hangs before you in the mists, just outside
of your reach. Do you chance fate? Do you dare?"

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Reader.....We can't take it! We can't do it! What
if it's right?! What if we really did have the
wrong copy?! What if everything is safe and sound
in HP land and we were lied to? Maybe they haven't
all lost their minds. Maybe there's a chance.

Maybe if we just hole up somewhere where no one
can find us, the book will speak to us and show us
the truth. We'll ask it, "why, why, mister book,
do you hate us so, to have lied so grievously to
us and our trusted friends?" And it shall answer,
"Twas not me. Twas the maker."

And then we'll open it to find that Hogwarts isn't
on drugs. Hermione hasn't had her brains addled;
Ginny isn't a superwoman harlot; Ron isn't a
raging moral-less fratboy womanizer; Harry hasn't
turned into Hermione while drifting towards the
dark side; Dumbledore didn't suddenly allow Harry
to lead him to his death; and that the whole damn
world didn't suddenly become overly obsessed with
hormones, snogging and hook-ups!

And all shall be well. The world will be full of
miracles and goodness. The sun will shine, birds
will chirp, the air will be fresh and clean. And
then, Reader, you know what we'll do.......we'll
wake up and burn the damn devil child, spawn of
hell, piece of book-shite that it is!

Speak to us, oh wise interpreter of the great
lies. Advise us. We are in need of your wisdom.
Join us in a Book 6 reading marathon this weekend!

Sincerely,
the Lord Protectors of Hermione's Intelligence and
Grace, Defenders of the Natural Order, Guardians
of Virtue and Character Steadfastness —
or Indie Nyle, to you.

Caspian & Rilian

Book 6 Rant

Disclaimer: If you are a fan of Book 6, this is
not the rant for you. Though we aim to amuse, we
can be a bit harsh towards the book from hell.
Read at your own risk!

This rant was first posted on 28 June 2007. The
names have been changed to protect the innocent.

Disclaimer Part II:

Also, we'd like to point out that our feelings of
dislike for this book do not stem from relationship
preferences. This is not a 'shipper site, trying to
prove one relationship over another.

It is our sworn duty to prove certain inconsistencies
and betrayals of character in the book. And, as
always, your input in support of Book 6, Anvils and
'ships or to the contrary is always welcome.